Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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