Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
