how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
