I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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