I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
