i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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