you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
