I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
false alarm, still single
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
