Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MIDGETS
????
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
