How drunk are you??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.