i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.