He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.