On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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