My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
