when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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