dude i'm inner monologue high
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
