do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
