Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
