i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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