I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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