Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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