so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
