you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
