i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
