Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
