Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
