Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
