im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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