So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
