I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
