I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
