I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
