Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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