She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
