I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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