I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
