McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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