I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
