u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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