i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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