I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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