you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
whose parrot is this?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
