OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
