Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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