saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
