Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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