I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
