I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
