I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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