He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did I show you my penis last night?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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