Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
