I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
