we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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