If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
