Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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