He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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