you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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