Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
