the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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