Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
