You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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