Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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