Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
