good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
