His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
