I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
