I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
