We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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