It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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