hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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