my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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