It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she smelled like a LAN party
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
