I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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