why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
