If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
