Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
