im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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