Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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