i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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