I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
