i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
