hell yes lets make some ravioli
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
