while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
