This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
