I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
