I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
